Why you should get divorced

One of the things that it's important to come to terms with when you're going through a separation is that nobody else really cares.

People can show interest in what's going on.

Even gossip or be nosy.

It's like when you you first get married.

People are intrusive and ask when you are going to start a family.

When you divorce people ask for the details.

Why did your marriage break down?

Was it the sex?

Did your ex cheat?

Try to resist telling all and sundry intimate details of your personal life.

They may have a vested interest in where you're going to land in their lives.

Their social circle.

Their Church.

Their family.

Whatever it is.

But at its core nobody really cares.

People don't care if you're married or divorced.

People care about their own lives.

People don't care really too greatly whether you're happy or sad.

People much prefer spending time with joyful friends so don't be surprised if they desert you in your time of need.

How to Cope

Learn to curb your obsession.

You will want to talk about your divorce all the time.

Almost to everyone.

Try to be discreet.

Remember that not everyone has your best interests at heart.

Even family members can let you down.

It is surprising how many people discover that their friends, their family, their support are false.

Some just cut you off.

Some are even worse and will relay your private information to your ex.

Who to talk to.

Many people offload their distress for the first time when they meet with their solicitor.

This is a safe confidant because your solicitor cannot reveal the information to anyone else.

However, it is a very expensive form of counselling.

If you need emotional support...

do not use your solicitor.

If you do not have a best friend and confidant you can rely on...

seek out a counsellor.

Who your divorce impacts

Your children are the most vulnerable people in your divorce.

Their life is torn apart and they have no power or control.

Seek to protect them from your emotional breakdown.

Do not let them feel your fear or anguish.

At all times reassure them that everything will be okay.

Prioritise your emotional health

No matter how awful your divorce it will not last for ever.

Try not to dwell on your loss and pain.

Find something that you can do to take your mind off your anxiety.

Some cycle.

Some join a choir.

Some take up a new sport.

Try to find something that interests you to the point of engrossment.

This too will pass.